I'm Julie, standing tall at five foot six inches. Turning 15 officially December 7th this year, (: Currently living in Torrance, California, dominated by my people, the Koreans. A student at Jefferson MS, soon to be a ninth grader at West HS. A happy TA of Ms. V, Student Council member. Basically a kid at heart (I'm still 14, I haven't 'grown up' yet!) because I watch Disney Channel as if my heart depends
on it, and still get excited at new episodes on Nickelodeon. I love any music, as long as the lyrics/song are catchy // meaningful // moving // soothing. My favorite number is SEVEN, and my favorite color is SCARLET. Get to know me, (: You'll love me.
Promise, (;

hmm. when you get all stressed out or overwhelmed by whatever, does your face get all hot? do you feel like you're being smothered?
or is it just me?

hm. just a question, (:

alrighty, other than thaaat. i'm so looking forward to summer '10. am i looking too far ahead? it's in, what, two months? so excited, (: i just want to do NOTHING this summer, seriously. just sleep all day ...
and maybe never wake up...

with love, julie hong.

emotionally stable.
grades are whatever, it's not like i'm a sophomore or a junior or anythingg. that's when grades start to matter, FOO.



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i want someone to hug me and never let go.

dear youu,

feel like reflecting.
so first off, i've been having trouble with guys // flirting. i mean, sure, i joke around a lot. but i guess i'm just wonderingg where the limit is. i don't let guys touch my ass, for sure.
but on the bus ride to west high, reyn starts biting my shoulder (it hurt like hell, and it started with hannah and kurtis) and likee. kissing my hand. and stuff like that.
it wasn't awkward at all, really. i'm a touchy person, and i'm very affectionate, even though i hate the word affectionate cause it makes me sound all cute and nice. is that just me? well, i'm just touchy. i hold hands with people a lot, yeah. does that mean we're going out?
i don't know, sometimes i get the sense that i should be putting more limitations on physical things. but WHAT LIMITS? if i tell anyone about what i'm feeling, about how i feel insecure about the way i'm so open and free with my hugs, my hands, whatever, they'll look at me like: "wow, what a slut."
the thing is, i don't have a problem with myself being touchy.
i have a problem with the way people will view me if they see that.
jefferson people are used to it, you know? bert lynn people are, apparently, much more reserved. and JLJC is likeee.
well, you know. very... conservative? very... strict about that kinda stuff, i thinkk. not as open minded. and honestly, judgamental. i mean, we all are, right? if you see someone who wears a shirt that shows cleavage and hang out with guys a lot, everyone's going to assume you're kind of a slut. i mean, really.
and i'm sure they'll think i'm a bit of a slut too. i mean, it sounds like, "oh, real friends wouldn't do that."
here's my two cents on that:
i think they are real friends. maybe not in every aspect (imo), but in that way certainly. it might be too much, like this slut issue and judging others, but expectations are a good thing. if i got to do everything i wanted thenn all hell would break lose.
not literally, obviously.
but it pisses me off sometimes, how the people i surround myself with outside of school are SO DAMN JUDGAMENTAL.
since i can be super honest with youu, i'mma use real names. and besides, no one reads blogger. no oneeeee.

so, on sundayy, jane and sharon (i think it was sharonn) found out about mo going all the way with a girl. well, not FOUND OUT exactly, it's not like it was anything to hide. but i told them about his past but how he's changed, how he's found Christ and all that.
their reactions?
their expressions twist into a scorn (i mean, really, they did) and jane goes; "oh, i don't think that's a real... christian." or something like that, but she implied that she didn't approve of his past. and i took it as she didn't think he was a real christian, hence the sentence.
well, you know what? is that what christianity is all about? being perfect and not making mistakes? isn't that what christianity is ALL about!? i mean, it gets me so angry thinking about it. why are you so judgemental? why can't you accept that he made mistakes and just because he has a past and did drugs and shit, doesn't mean he's a bad person? he's a great person. he's super nice and sweet and actually GIVES A SHIT ABOUT PEOPLE.
not saying that jane doesn't, 'cause i love the girl, i do.
it's just that it makes me so angry, you know? i don't hate her, i just disagree with her and her actions // words made me pissed off. because so many people say they're christians but their actions don't show it.

I'M NOT SAYING THAT I DON'T DO IT TOO.
but just because i do it, doesn't mean it's RIGHT. alright?! so what if it's HYPOCRISY. YOU'RE A HYPOCRITE TOO. IF I DID DRUGS EVERYDAY, SMOKED, PARTIED, HAD SEX EVERY NIGHT AND GOT PREGNANT FIVE TIMES AND DID ABORTION FIVE TIMES, AND TOLD YOU NOT TO DO IT, DOES THAT MAKE EVERYTHING I DO RIGHT?! DOES IT MAKE EVERYTHING I DID OKAY FOR YOU TO DO?!
NO, IT FUCKING DOESN'T.

do you get my point here?!
it just makes me angry. so angry. furious, even.
i probably vent about this a LOOT, and this won't be the last time i slam my fingers on the keyboard with frightening force. so you better get used to it.
it's just... something i'm passionate about. maybe not passionate. just... emotional? well, it's something that seriously pisses me off. more than twilight, more than idiots, more than girls who pretend to be dumb to act all cute.
i could go on and on and on about things like this.
one day, i'll go on and on and on about something i LOVE, but right now, i don't have the energy.

hope this entertained you?

with love,
julie hong.

loll, after reading kayla's, i was like, "... oops."

so, since you and i are going to get to know each other very well, i will introduce myself. my name is julie. julie hong. the party started for me on december seventh, nineteen ninety five. did i have to use words instead of numbers? yes, because numbers are ugly. i am KOREAN. not flipino/mexican/chinese/white/korean. wtf, who is that combination?
mm. well, what do you want to know? i answer questions honestlyy, so. just ask.
oh, questions that people usually ask me. FAQ, yeah? (:

are you really a lip virgin?
heck to the yes. you got a problem?
nobody seems to, though. whenever guys ask (for some reason, girls never ask), they offer to be my first kiss, and they don't make fun of me much, except for that one time devon told me that was sad, loll. i like being innocent, (: shouldn't kisses be important? whatever. i plan on staying a virgin 'till marriage, (: purity commitmentt, but i lose my ring in the shower, lol.

are you high?
nope, (;

mkay, what else do people ask me? o___o. this is why i have a formspring.
i'mma leave... this is getting awkward, lol.

with love,
julie hong.

keep your hands to YOURSELF. keep them off my waist, off my tummy, off my boobs, off my ass, my phone, and MY FOOD! i'm getting sick of guys being so touchy. i mean, i get along really well with guyss, but seriously, that's just too much. i dunno, i think i laugh too much. but then again, even when i DON'T laugh, they still do it. so wtf.

ugh. anyway, that's pretty much all i have to share for now, kinda brain dead.

with love,
julie hong.

so, let's look back at 2009, shall we?

all i rememberr is:

- drama with certain people.
- lots of complicated emotions.
- lots of breaking down.
- more opening up to people than i'm used to.
- one hell of a great summer.
- NO crushes.
- finding out more about myself.
- more strength.
- lots of ups and downs.

how about 2010? (:

- getting closer with people i didn't expect to be close to.
- an almost-crush, but i'm over it noww, chicas.
- more responsibility, dawgg.
- becoming a better person, really. i'm still not perfect, but hey, i'm trying to be nicer and i'm trying to care.
- more stress, -____-.

sounds pretty good, i guess.
i miss '09 summer. i was at the beach almost everyday, hanging out with so many people. then we got to school, and the people i hung out with CHANGED. some for the better (ye-ji), and some for the worse ( triple B plus the P?). gar. sometimes, i really hate change. but at the same time, i want change so badly in my life. i want myself to be changed, really. i want to be kinder. i mean, i'm kind of... a bitch. i mean, sure, i act all nice sometimes, and sometimes it's genuine. sometimes, i actually care how you feel.

but most of the time, i'm doing it just to stop your whining about how you're ugly and fat and how nobody cares about you. do you really think i care what you think of yourself? maybe you ARE ugly and fat. maybe nobody DOES care about you. that's your problem, why are you making it mine?

i think the people i can say i REALLY care about, not in the fake way, but in the real, heartbreaking love kind of way, is my family. definitely my family. we're not perfect, but honestly, looking at other families, we're pretty damn close to it. i'm so lucky, and i know that, even though it doesn't always seem like that. i'm constantly thankful for all the blessings i have in my life, thanks to God, you know?

speaking of God.

i really don't like how whenever i say God or something like the 'i'm constantly thanking God...' makes people think i have to be some perfect crazy christian. i'm not. i struggle reading the Bible. i don't really know how to pray, and when i do, i feel stupid. i doubt sometimes, though not as much as i used to. i feel stupid because... well, doesn't a conversation take two? stuff like that. i mean, i'm the farthest thing from a good christian, too. i'm just doing what i can with what i have. i can't say i'm doing my best, because i know i'm a lazy ass. i could list all of my flaws here.

i'm lazy.
i'm plain.
i hate my tummy. it sticks out.
i don't care about much.
i lie, no shit. i lie about how i'm feeling, what i think about you... i really don't like seeing people react when i tell them the truth. so i just do whatever.
i hate opening up to people. it makes me feel weak.
i hate crying even more. it makes me feel like a fucking idiot.

about the last two:
i wish i could open up to people more. i wish i would cry around people and not feel ashamed. i want a close friend, i really do, i really want to be able to call someone and say, "i feel like shit. blah blah blah blah," and start crying, because... well, when i do talk to someone, issues i didn't even know i had start coming out and i learn more about myself.
but i don't react to struggle like that.
i react by closing up, forgetting about it. i react by talking to others and socializing. i react with school, going out and laughing like crazy and being silly. at night, my usual time of reflection and 'deep thinking,' i guess, i avoid the topic of whatever's going on in my life. i just think about what happened today, analyze certain thing that confuse me, remind myself of things that i need to remember (school stuff, usually), and think over and over: "wake up early, wake up early, wake up early."
that's what i usually do every night, though, to be honest, (x

wow, this is longer than i thought it was going to be.
ehh. i have lots to say, i guess. nobody lets me go on and on like that except the internet, lol. people always interrupt and say, "YEAH, I..."
mhmm. yeah, (x
well, that's all i gotta say for now, because this is a LOT to read. bye now, (:

with love,
julie hong.

so, i don't know why exactly i made a blogger. maybe 'cause i got sick of tumblr? maybe because this has much more people? maybe because i can make this one look pretty? i like making things look pretty.

mkay, so. first vent?
naaah, don't have anything to vent about so far. i'm loving lifee.
but the whole counselor thing is stressing me out, kinda? like, i know for sure i'm not the smartest girl around, but... i don't know which classes to take.
i've wanted to take english honors since i knew about it, but after cheney's class.. i have no idea if i can do it. and i hear the teachers suck. arghhh. and i HAVE to take a few honor classes, obviously. i'm not going to let freshman year breeze by without challenging myself, despite what a few think. i just don't know which. i mean, history is pretty interesting, but i can't keep those facts and dates in my head like that, you know?

i'mma miss eighth grade, dude. i can't wait for 9th grade, 'cause i'mma see my babies from BLMS, but that also means there's going to be lots of bitches too now. and if there's going to drama with my friends... i'm not going to put up with their shit, because drama happens for NO REASON, and they know it. like that drama with S and H? that pissed me off, and it still does. what was the point of it? seriously? sometimes i just want to yell at them all for something that happened in the past, even though i know i have to let go.

well, this has been an interesting first entry.

i'mma go and eat. 'cause i'm a fat ass.
bye? (: